OMG Germanys got a Diary
by Shadowsamatheexorcist
Summary: Its not a Diary its a Journal! D:
1. OMFG MAN BABIES!

Dear journal,

Italy gave me you yesterday. He said it would be good to get all my feelings down in a diary. I told him i do not write in diaries. He said,Why not? BECAUSE ONLY TEENAGE GIRLS DO DAMMIT. Im Frickin Germany. Im a frickin manly dude. i cant write in a "Diary" so he said to call you a journal then. Fine but only cuz i kind of like him... But i swear to God that if this is Russia or America or England or some other annoying idiot reading this, i will find out and i will hunt you down and snap your-

...got a little off track there...ANYWAY, Today we had a meeting and Russia was being fucking creepy as usual but today he was looking a Italy in a weird way. Like in a, Im-totally-gonna-rape-you-and-take-over-the-world-way. Creepy Bastard. I glared at him the whole meeting. Then we all got this weird chill or something. Like an unknown person was in here or something. it kinda creeped me out. Oh my god i swear i heard like a faint murmuring or something...creepy...it sounded like "Im Canada" or something like that...

LUDWIG .B.

Dear Journal,

I decided to give you a name today. Soda is your name. i guess it is sorta retarded but i kind of like it ever since i watched that american movie the Outsiders. America brought it in today. He said it would be good for "Emotional Bonding" Whatever the fuck that means. England cried. hahaha wimp...

LuDwIg .B.

Dear Soda,

Italy brought me some mangas to read today. One of them was called Kuroshitsuji or Black Butler...let me tell you, Thats some messed up shit. The kids fiance scares me. whats her name...Elizabeth? she reminds me of Italy...only scarier.

When i read that the red haired dude with the chainsaw wants to have babies with the butler guy i was like: WHAT

Is that even biologically possible?

Yeah my face was kinda like

._.

._.

O_O

and Italy came over and was all like: What

And i was like:._.

He read it over my shoulder and his face got like :D

Wtf...

LUD-Wi-Wi-Wig


	2. LIKE OMG

Dear Soda,

I swear im going to kill Russia. He kissed Italy. IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. At first i was like: O_O Then i was like: D: And then i was like: D:

I kind of...lost my self control. I lunged strait over the table for Russia and tried to strangle him. It took America, France,England,and Japan to pull me off of him before i could wring his neck with his scarf. When i calmed down a little and stopped swearing at Russia in German everybody was looking at me like WTF.

I glared them down. And where was Italy during all this you ask? He was in the corner probably still in shock of being ALMOST RAPED by PEDOPHILE.

Yeah just let Russia try that again...sneaky bastard.

LUDWIIIIIIG!

Dear Soda,

Italy invited America, Japan, China, England and i for movies at his house.

He seemed weirdly normal for someone who was ALMOST RAPED yesterday.

GASP do you think Italy likes that pedo? Im freaking out. OMG WHAT IF HE DOES?

Okay im kind of calm now. We watched Jurassic Park. I freaking love that movie. Especially when people get eaten, Im all: HA HA

America liked those parts too. England called him disgusting. Hahaha...

After that we watched a bunch of Indiana Jones movies. The effects are so bad but nobody cares cuz these movies are awesome.

Italy fell alsleep on my shoulder in the middle of The Temple of Doom.

yeah i was all: O/O and was like:=w= in that sleepy way of his...

America and Japan kinda looked at me like: :D

England was drunk i think. He was babbling on about how America loved France more than him or something...

ahaha i totally got blackmail now...

LuDwIg

Dear Soda,

Holy Jebus...

Did that just happen?

what the heeecckkk

Russia was being all annoying and stuff, and he called me a "Wanker" and all sorts of stuff. i was ignoring him until he said "You know Italy-chan only likes you for protection Ja-" AND ITALY,HE JUST WALKED STRAIGHT UP TO HIM AND SLAPPED HIM SO HARD ACROSS THE FACE THAT HIS BIG HEAD NEARLY FELL OFF HIS SHOULDERS. Everyone was like:O_O

And Russia just got up off the floor and walked out of the room. But i doubt we've seen the last of him. Everyone got really quiet. Italy looked the angriest i'd ever seen him, if he had EVER been angry. He was shaking and looked like he wanted to punch something. He just walked out of the room though with us going:WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ludwiiiig


	3. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING OOONNN?

Dear soda,

UGH

JUST

UGH

though i was silently rejoicing inside about Russia getting totally PWNED, the drama going on now...ugh. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

What is this , Dr. Phil? NO THIS IS HETALIA DAMMIT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. Its like Italy's pwnage threw things into utter chaos. England declares his "Undying Love" for America about 20 times a day now. I think it would be nice if they went out but I DONT NEED THIS. GAH.

Everyone notices Canada now. America told us he was his brother and we were like: WHAT

And he was like: YEAH! Mattie is totally my bro!

And we were like:...WHAT

Sealand looks as if he's going to start crying every time someone tries to talk to him.

Belarus keeps giving me weird looks. As if its MY FAULT that her brother keeps hiding from her marriage proposals! We had a glare match but it felt as though she were trying to burn holes in my head. I lost. Im sorry i just could'nt stare into the depths of hell for more than 5 minutes.

Prussia is just weird...I made him a bowl of Captain Crunch(His favorite cereal)this morning and he told me he was'nt hungry. WTF. DID GILBERT JUST REFUSE CAPTAIN CRUNCH? The apocalypse must be upon us. Seriously,if Gilbert can resist Captain Crunch, we may all be coming to an end here...

Dear Soda,

Russia is back.

He has this evil aura around him like usual but its like 20 times bigger than it usually is...

Its like its trying to consume everyone in the room.

England ran out screaming: AGHH THE DEMENTORS ARE COMIIIING!

We just kinda stared at him.

Italy's still gone. I wish he was here to lighten the mood.

You can practically see huge red letters hovering over us reading: UNSOCIABLE ATMOSPHERE

America tried speaking: Uh, okay about that Global warmi-

Russia broke his pen in half with one hand.

Canada gave this terrified squeak that sounded like: EEP!

We all kind of went home after that.

ludwiggggagagaga

Dear Soda,

I went over to Italy's house today. He opened the door really slow like he was going to be attacked or something. I told him it was just me and he pulled me inside so fast like he thought we were being watched or something.

He was like:Does everyone hate me now? Im sorry i wasnt at the meeting i just-

And you wont even believe this soda but I KISSED HIM. I FREAKING KISSED HIM.

RIGHT THERE. IN HIS GODDAMN LIVING ROOM. OH MY FUCKING FUHRER WHY DID I DO THAAT?

He kinda looked at me like: O/O

I just said really fast: 

i ran out the door going like: AAAAGHHHH?

I know, how smooth am i right?

GAAAAAH im totally under my covers with a flashlight writing this with my door locked. ILL NEVER GO OUT IN PUBLIC AGAAAAIN!

OMFGLUDWIGOMFG

_Hey people im making an authors note herreeee _

_okay so in the last chapter when russia kissed italy the last face that germany makes was supposed to have an angry face but it didnt show uuuup._

_ohwellll_

_im staying home sick rite now blarghhh_

_I LOVE MY REVIEWERS REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER REVIIEEEEWWWWW please..._

_ASTALAPASTA_

_Shadowsamatheexorcist_


	4. POSSESED CAVEMAN OMGGEE!

URGH i HAATE this computer rite now

cuz sometimes my words dont show up wen i post them on FF D: yarghhh

anyhoo~ IM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN SOOO LOOOONG IM SO SORRY U GUYS MUST HATE MEEE AAHASDFSGJDFH ~Shadowsamatheexorcist

_Dear Soda_

_its been a week and im still freaking out_

_why the heck did i do that? YAARGHFDFGDH_

_Italy must totally think im some kind of creeper or something! D:_

_i havent left my house since then and ive banned Gilbert from coming in here._

_gilberts freaking out almost everyday standing in front of my door and stuff._

_on thursday he just had an episode or something..._

_he sounded like he was crying and he sounded really mad._

_like, he was PISSED OUT OF HIS BIRD COVERED BOXERS._

_I'll admit i was pretty scared that he was going to break down my door and drag me out and throw me in a saw mill. _

_Yeah he was THAT mad._

_i have this stash of captain crunch under my bed so i've beening snacking on those things like popcorn._

_so far i've: watched Mega Pirahhna 5 times_

_seen the anime Vampire Knight_

_gone through 6 boxes of cereal_

_downloaded 125 songs off of ITunes and pretty much trashed our whole bank account._

_had 4 internet fights on youtube about which is better: Fajitas or churros_

_won 1 of those fights..._

_Yeah so...its all good._

_~Ludwiiiiiiiigchurrrooos_

_Dear Soda_

_Japan came over today_

_and Gilbert didnt even tell me!_

_i had like grown this beard and i was hunched in front of my T.V like a possesed cave man._

_Japan nearly had a heart attack when he came in my room._

_Yeah he was like: Germa-YAARGHAAA!_

_Anyhoo~he told me to tell him what was going on right the fuck now or he was going to castrate me._

_I QUOTE._

_Japan: TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OR ILL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF._

_so i told him because i am not a fan of my balls getting ripped off._

_When i finished telling him he looked like he had the biggest headache in the universe. Then he kinda looked up at me like:=_=_

_It scared the fuck out of me i am telling you. there was a voice inside my head that was like: DANGER DANGER WATCH OUT! .!_

_Japan: YOU _

_I was like: O_O_

_Japan:It was about time you fucking kissed him! but you dont run away right after you do,you bastard!_

_You are such an idiot of course Italy does'nt think Your a creeper! Do u KNOW how long he has liked you?_

_HE WAS LIKE FUCKING ORIHIME AND YOUR ARE THESTUPIDIDIOT ICHIGO. HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THIS AND-_

_I have to say, Japan really needed to release this pent up stress but i would have appreciated it if it was not spent on me._

_i was finally like: OKAY OKAY IM SORRY I GET IT_

_He was breathing real heavily like those guys in horror movies that prank call the babysitter right before they murder you with a chainsaw. _

_The voice was like: CAUTION CAUTION USE FUCKING CAUTION DUDE CAUUTIIOOONAAHHHHJDHCF_

_...Anywaay~_

_He told me he'd help me get with Italy if i came to EAT HER cafe tomorow and that he had a plan._

_The local cafe is this place we all call: EAT HER because the huge neon sign that hangs on the window says:EAT HERE but the:E on the end went out like a jillion years ago so everyone just called it that._

_he told me to get some sleep and i was like: Sleep? _

_He was like: Uh Yeah its like 11 at night_

_i just kinda stared at him. i had lost all sense of time sitting in here with the shades drawn._

_He sighed: shave that beard will you? _

_And he shut the door._

HOW WAS THAT? i tried to make a long chapter for u guys. I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS


	5. Fucking Gilbert Bitches

HEY BITCHEZ

_This is Gilbert fucking Beilschmidt this is._

_Yeah i snuck into his room while he was out...somewhere..._

_Anyway i thought id look in here to see what he's up to._

_Cuz that's what awesome big brothers do._

_He calls you Soda...what the fuck is up with that?_

_Now that i've read this...thing, i want to just kick West in his vital regions._

_Well fucking DERP Ita-chan fucking likes you, you fucking idiot._

_WEST BUY SOME MORE FUCKING CAPTAIN CRUNCH YOUR FUCKING EATING IT ALL._

_ehahaha your totally going to kill me for invading your privacy. Whatever i cant be killed anyways. you know why? Im fucking Prussia. IM FUCKING AWESOME. You cant kill me im fucking immortal. _

_Hope it goes well with Ita-chan._

_GILBERT OUT BITCHES. :D_


	6. HP Party of the fucking century

Dear Soda,

WHAT THE HELL EAST?

I knew I _knew_ you have been looking through my stuff!

Your such a snooper!

i swear _bruder, _when i get my hands on you...

NO

im not even going to tell you my plan for revenge cuz your probably going to look through this again.

You'll never see it coming......

*ahem*

anyway~~

Tomorrow's the day.

Oh _Gott _ im so nervous, i have butterflies in my stomach.

Or that might just be nausea.

Japan's been really strange. He and Hungary keep bombarding me with advice.

Here's a weird one from Hungary: Be gentle with Ita-Chan it'll probably be his first time~

And then she passed out with a nosebleed.

what

the

fuck

Japan says my "progress" with Italy will inspire many manga's to come. "Unless of course you totally fail then that would not be a very good manga at all..."

Right. No pressure.

Well, i guess i'll go buy more Captain Crunch now.

Ludwig

Dear Soda,

you know how Gilbert's the biggest Harry Potter nerd since England?

Yeah, so in celebration of the final movie, Gilbert invited practically the entire Universe to our house.

Austria's locked himself in his room yelling, "I'll be in my room practicing my Violin you uncouth barbarians!"

Im so glad the music is turned up as loud as it is.

Were going to watch all the movies in order.

Yeah its going to be wild because Gil just burst in the door yelling," I GOT THE BUTTERBEER AND GUMMY BEARS BITCHES! LETS PARTY!"

Well, Gilbert's going to drag me downstairs any minute now so im going to party to "Going back to Hogwarts" now~

Peace Out.

DeAr SSSodA,,

i swear to drunk im NNot gawd. ohhmmywizardgod

we are so watchin A very Potter Musical right now.

ehhhahahhahahhaha...

NO GILBERTS TRYIN TO-

**OHMAHGAWD ITS GILBERT WATS UP**

**Iggy's my best best wizard friend ever omg**

**hahahaha i loveee u iggy lolll**

GOTT EAST STOP WRITING IN MAH DIARY THING

oh i got a txt...OHMYGAWD UMBRIDGE STOP TXTING ME 

LUDWIG+**GILBO 3**


	7. The Date

Dear Soda,

Im in the bathroom of the cafe right now.

Italy's ordering our food.

Here's what happened so far:

When i got to the cafe Italy was already there. That was surprising since he's late to almost everything.

Italy: "Veh~ Im so happy doitsu wants to eat lunch with me today!"

He seemed to be acting...normal for someone who was kissed twice in two days...

I tried to act like nothing happened.

Me: Ja, Italy, why dont we go in and order our food?

Italy:Ok~ Im so glad,Doitsu wants to have lunch with me~ Usually everyone doesn't want to which makes me kind of sad but sometimes Fratello and Spain eat with me but Fratello curses the whole time~

That kind of made me feel a little guilty.

Japan and Hungary are watching our every move which kind of scares me...

Oh shit they could be watching rite now.

bye~

Ludwigisbeingparanoid~

Dear soda,

So it went pretty good.

Italy didn't even notice Japan and Hungary giving me advice from the window or Japan snapping pictures...

Italy kissed me when we were leaving~

I quickly put a book i was reading in front of our faces so they couldn't print multiple copies of us on the internet.

I got ninja skills i know.

So now im at home...

It's pretty quiet because Canada's over here. Gilbert doesn't like to be loud around him. Their probably downstair's "watching a movie"

But i know better than to believe that hahahaha...

Their so cute together i think next time i'll ask Japan and Hungary to come over...

ULTIMATE REVENGE BITCHES

Ludwig out

Dear Soda,

I saw Russia today! OMFG.

i totally thought he was gonna kill me.

But he just smiled at me.

Which scared me even more.

"There are things worse than death Germany, Da?"

I just shit my pants right there.

I'll probably never sleep again..

O_O

Ludwigggggggggggggg


	8. Ludwig the Avenger

Dear Soda,

China's back after his rather mysterious absence.

Russia's always a little calmer when China's around. And the way Russia's been lately thats a very good thing.

Everyone nearly cried with happiness and ran to hug China.

"Did everyone miss me that much Aru?"

No were just scared shitless of Russia.

Russia just smiled and hovered closer to China.

The meetings go as normal as they were before.

China had better stay because if he leaves again i just might die a gruesome death...

England and America are going out now, that would be nice for everyone if they weren't practically in each other's pants all the time. I swear to god i was in the lunch line in the cafeteria and they were right in front of me with their tongue's down each other's throats. From far away it might have looked like England was trying to eat America's face.

Ok, gross.

Anywhooo~

Italy wanted to hold hands at the meeting and Gilbert teased me for 5 minutes about my "Tomato red face"

Which it so totally _wasn't!_

Canada had to scold Gilbert to get him to stop and called him "Gilbo~"

...

PFFFFT

"Gilbo" smacked me on the head and told me to shut up.

Ludwig lurves Gilbo~ (AHAHAAAA~)

Dear Soda,

Today we went to get icecream and Italy finished his in like 5 seconds.

Then he asked me, "Veh~ Can i have a lick at your cone Doitsu?"

Gilbert busted out laughing and started banging his head against the wall. Then he swallowed his ice cream to fast and got major brain freeze.

Serves him right.

Canada looked like he didn't know what to do: laugh or be anxious about Gilberts head bashing.

He just patted him on the back.

We went home and watched Monsters inc. after that.

i totally ninja snuck Japan and Hungary into the house and let them take pictures of Gilbert and Matthew.

A particulary cute one was of Gilbert kissing little Mattie on the head.

My adorable meter just exploded right there.

Anyway, these pictures are _so _going on Facebook.

LudwigtheAvenger


	9. In which there is much usage of Fuck

Dear Soda,

Oh God, oh fucking hell.

Romano actually showed up for the meeting today.

I think he has a Potato-fucker-is-dating-my-stupid-brother sense because he was glaring at me. The. Whole. Time.

I swear to god he didn't even blink or anything.

Im telling you that boy is fucking scary.

Fucking. Scary. Bitches.

So, he came up to me after the meeting and goes: BASTARD! I knew you were corrupting my stupid little brother's innocence! Fucking Potato eater, you are so fucking lucky Antonio is here today because if he wasn't i would fuck you up so bad even your ancestors would -

And-THANK GOD-and thats when Spain showed up to keep the peace. (and before i could tell that infuriating Italian to shut the fuck up)

"ah~ Romanooooo~ what did i say about dirty words?"

"Like i give a fuck about what the fuck you'd ever have to say, Fucker"

"Ahahaha~Your so cute Romanooo~"

I just walked away before he turned to talk to me because really, that would just turn into a hell of an awkward situation.

But then before i could esca-_ahem,_ walk away, Italy suddenly popped out of nowhere (that guy's a freaking ninja!) "Veh~ _Fratello_ your actually here! Did you talk to Doitsu yet?

Well, Fuck.

His brother just glared at me and apparently too angry to speak, sputtered, "fucking Potato...perverted bastard...dating..stupid brother..."

"Romanooo~ dirty wooords~"

"Fuck that shit!"

And he pretty much stomped out of the room.

what the fuck its Ludwig~

Dear Soda,

England and America are having a fight. I don't really know what it's about, probably over America's fucking fast food again...

Okay cross out that shit this seems way bigger. America and England are shouting at each other...Omg...is..is America crying?

America: "Well then if he's so much fucking better than me, why don't you just fucking date him!"

England:"I didn't say that he was- hey! wait a minute!"

America: "NO! Fuck you and FUCK HIM!"

Shit, Im like fucking Petunia Dursely right now.

Oh Fuck, Netherlands is coming. I gotta get out of here.

LudwigDursely

Dear Soda,

Russia and America have been seen together alot lately.

Which results in a mildly pissy China.

I honestly can't even comprehend his sentences anymore. There usually like: Im so fucking pissed aru!

But now it's: ARUARUARUARUARUARU

Here in China it's all Aru all the fucking Aru time.

Anyway~ England's even more pissy than usual. Everytime he sees Russia and America together he throws whatever he's holding.

Which is usually a Book or Tea.

i wouldn't recommend throwing the second one.

or the first one for that matter.

I wonder what America and Russia do when they hang ou- NO no no no no FUCK NO. Bad mental images. Die. Die immediately, DIE NOW.

Gilbert if your nosy ass is reading this you might want to replace your bedroom walls with iron ones. My room is right next to yours and by God, i do not want to hear what goes on between you and Matthew at two in the morning when Im trying to sleep.

Seriously. Two. In. The. Fucking. Morning.

It's way too early for that shit.

And if you leave the toilet seat up again i swear to Fritz i will cook eggs for breakfast and feed them to Gilbird.

I will fucking burn your Harry Potter books.

Thats right.

I. Mean. Business. Bitches.

Peace.


	10. Gilbo's mind fuck

**Sup Soda it's the awesome me again.**

**West: What the fuck?**

**You actually listen to us that early? I KNEW IT. YOUR A FUCKING CLOSET PERV. **

**don't even deny it.**

**Dirty Bastard.**

**where do you get off trying to burn my Harry Freakin' Potter books? (thats right. that was a AVPS reference.)**

**AND YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM GILBIRD YOU FUCKER.**

**But it's not like i NEED to do anything. Gilbird knows not to eat eggs. **

**He's just a fucking awesome smart fucking bird. **

**And we resent that you would cook his unborn relatives!**

**Also~ Weeeessst~**

**I really really really really really want to go to Universal!~~~**

**PLEASE TAKE UUUSSSSSSSS PLEEEEASE~**

**Us being: France, Spain, and the awesome me. but Spain will probably want to bring Romano and Netherlands and Belgium. And Romano would want to bring Italy. And Italy would want to bring Hungary who would want to bring Japan and (Our fucking annoying brother) Austria-chan~ and so on.**

**i lost my drivers license after that one time so i can't drive there by myseeelf~**

**I AM MENTALLY ON MY KNEES HERE WEST. I BEG OF YOU.**

**Also when Italy comes over you might want to hide those dvds/magazines under you bed in the Attic~**

**Yes. I know about the fucking DVDs. **

**Whose in charge now Bitch.**

**So~ i'll just go pack for Orlando now~**

**.**


	11. Picnic from Hell

Dear Soda,

Gilbert: Fuck. You. Bitch.

Fine, i'll drive you to fucking Universal. But Roderich's your Buddy.

HAHAHAHA GOT YOU.

Scared you there for a moment didn't i?

Hungary will claim him first anyway and we both know that there is no arguing with her.

You and Matthew can do whatever the fuck you want i don't care. Im not a pervert you bird humper.

Anyway, YOU and HIM are the ones who decide to do that! I don't stay up to hear it thats fucking nasty!

Like i want to deal with this AND Russia AND a fucking pissy China.

It's like way too much stress you know?

I might just get gray hair and that would not be good for your "Awesome" image.

so just shut the fuck up.

FMLludwig

Dear Soda,

So today we had a, what England calls, "Quiet-gathering-in-the-evening-of-polite-Getlemen"

Pfft sure, more like World War |||.

So anyway, it's this thing were we all go have a picnic in the park and it's supposed to make us all get along better.

Fucking World Leaders.

It went a little like this:

"Fucking wanker, sitting next to that russian bastard..."

"Angelterre?"

"Nothing, Nothing"

"Give me back Texas dude! Thats totally not cool!"

"Give me a kiss first, Da?~"

"F-Fuck you!"

"Brother~Why do i hear the voice of another man next to you?"

"G-go away!"

"Liet! Like listen to me when Im like telling you about my shoes!"

"LATVIAAAA!"

"kesesesese"

"Austria-san~ i made you cake!"

"G-gentlemen don't eat cake!"

"B-but..."

"...Oh, alright maybe a little bit.."

"Yay~"

"Seriously, Ivan!"

"How bout that kiss Alfred?~"

"N-no fucking way!"

"Hey! Don't touch Liechtenstein you pervert!"

"You are so cruel~ i just saw something on her chest and brushed it off~"

"...Liechtenstein, my gun"

"B-brother..."

"Kiku get your camera! Alfred and Ivan are kissing~~"

"Hai"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Angelterre~ Please calm down.."

...everyones fucking idiots"

"_Romanoooo~ Do i have to get Mr. Netherlands again?~"_

"N-no!"

"Fucking Wankers! I'll curse you both!"

"Vhat is comrade england saying Alfred?~"

"Nothing! H-here drink this vodka!"

"...i guess it's back to being invisible again, huh Kumakichi..."

"...who?"

"CANADA! YOUR FUCKING OWNER!"

I had to say this was entertaining but i, being the responsible one, had to end this.

Being responsible sucks.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GO HOME!"

Ludwigtheresponsible

Dear Soda,

Making arrangements for the trip to Orlando.

I knew Gilbert wouldn't because...well, because he's just Gilbert.

Its...1:15 am.

Fuck being responsible Im going to bed and watching Transformers 2.

Robotcarsareawesome~Ludwig

**Wow~ Im on a freaking roll! Review please! ^3^**


	12. Road Trip!

**I'd like to take this moment to thank all my reviewers. especially Hokuto Uchiha.**

**You review on like every chapter. YOU. ARE. AWESOME.**

**Seriously.**

**Every. Freaking. Chapter.**

**You my good (sir? Miss?) are dedicated. **

**I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS TO DEATH TOOOOO!**

**YOU GUYS ARE SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT!**

**Siriusly without u guys i'd be like, nothing.**

**Nothing. at. fucking. all**

**My self-esteem would be dead.**

**i'd be in my closet with my pillow all day.**

**Hope you guys enjoy the adventures of Ludwig and the gang~**

Dear Soda,

The whole world is literally sleeping in our living room.

Except Im Yong Soo...he's on the kitchen table...

I got the plane tickets.

We are leaving for Florida tomorrow.

Its gonna be awesooome~

Except for the plane ride.

Thats gonna suck.

I. Freaking. hate. Planes.

Like, what if an asteroid hit us or the window breaks and sucks me out into the ocean where i'll be eaten by a giant squid?

Its a perfectly rational fear!

Gilbert says to make sure to bring a trash bag with me on the plane.

I told him to shut the fuck up.

then i went to the store to buy more trash bags...

He's right. If your within ten miles of me on a plane your likely to get barfed on.

...i hope i sit next to France.

EVIL PLANS

WE ARE MAKING EVIL PLAAANS

Dammit, Gilbert! You and freaking AVPM.

And Damn me for watching it!

Gotta sleep.

Catch ya on the flip side~

~

Dear Soda,

I changed my mind.

I don't want to sit next to France.

I thought about it and its just not worth it.

Im sitting with my _Bruder. _Thank Fritz he falls asleep as soon as the plane takes off.

Italy's sitting with Romano and Spain.

Well, Derp.

Gilbert says he's going to make me ride all the roller coasters with him.

I hate roller coasters even more than Planes.

If thats even possible.

It's just this thing with heights i've got.

Damn you, Gilbert.

Ludwigisafraidofheightsssss

**Hey guys, i dont really know where this is going and ARRG.**

**Do guys have any idea how to devolp a freaking plot or some kind of storyliiine?**

**i suck at it obviously.**

**it would be very much appreciated!**

**Love you guys~**


	13. The orlando experiance

Dear soda,

so we got to the hotel and let me tell you

the place was fucking awesome.

like on a scale of 1-10 this hotel would be a 13.

There is a water slide in the fucking building. The food is awesome and the pool is fabtabulous. yeah, i stole that shit from poland.

NYAN NYAN NYAN~

Dear Soda,

dear god,

Gilbert ordered like ten thousand pounds of gummy bears from room service.

the bill i got like added up to $200. two hundred fucking dollars.

But fuck the price we got more serious things to worry about.

like Gilbert.

he is absolutely BANNED from eating gummy bears ever again.

Seriously, i still have nightmares about last time. Brrrrrrrr.

He's on a fucking rampage right now.

Switzerland and i are going to get some rope and weapons.

We might just be able to lock him in the supply closet before he gets us kicked out of the hotel.

Jesus fucking christ he just broke a fucking window!

OH SHIT GOTTA GO.

Dear Soda,

Were leaving for Universal in 30 minutes!

Im so excited~

Gonna hit the Islands of Adventure!

WOOP

gonna be fabtabulous~

Flipping through the channels on the t.v...

oh awesome spongebob's on~

Dear Soda,

Are you aware that you just very nearly escaped death?

Gilbert made me go on The Hulk ride and i caught you sliding out of my seat before you fell to your death.

Your so lucky i caught you then because i could barely concentrate on anything else while riding in that beast.

...I just threw up on the sidewalk...

Oh shit their on to me, a guy in a spider-man suit is staring at me...

**hey doods~ sorry its been so long! review please~ ^v^**


	14. CHUCKNORRISBANKAIBITCHSLAP

Dear soda,

Were in one of the resteraunts right now.

So...tired...

Gilbert and America are out of control.

like, Gilbert came up behind Austria and was like: DID SOMEBODY SAY CLAMBAKE? America: LOBTERRIFIC ITS LOBAWESOME!

So i used my secret weapon.

"CHUCK NORRIS BANKAI BITCH SLAP!"

"Fuck! Run away bitches!"

lets just say we aren't going to be back at that resteraunt anytime soon...

CHUCK NORRIS BANKAI BITCH SLAP JUTSU~

Dear Soda, Gilbert made me go on the Mummy.

Damn him.

Apparently Austria's too pretty to go on any rides.

We all know that bitch just has a stick up his ass.

But if he did, he would probably like it, the bitch.

"Im the Prettiest character in the series! I can't afford to mess up my hair!"

Why doesn't Gil make this bitch have to go on the ride with us? If I have to suffer than he does too!

We came to one of those water roller coasters were if you stand in front of it you get soaked. So i came up with an evil scheme.

"Nii-sama, go stand there and i'll take a picture" He reluctantly agreed to do it.

Me thinking: YES! He took the bait!

I held up my camera just as the coaster came down and soaked him from head to ass. I took a picture before he left for the bathroom. Gil and I laughed our asses off.

LUDWIG THE TWICE AVENGER

Dear Soda,

Tomorrow, we are going to go shopping at Downtown Disney and Millenia mall.

Were riding in the car to eat at T.G.I Fridays. The best fucking place ever.

Tomorrow Im gonna get my shop on and buy mangas with Some sexy Roy Mustang and Mickey mouse hats.

I fucking love Orlando.

Ludwig loves orlando~

**U guys are awesome~**

**i based some of the events in here off of things that actually happened to me.**

**The Chuck Norris Bankai Bitch slap is my super awesome powerful move that i use on my brother.**

**Love u guys!**


	15. Netherlands has an ideaalso Gil does 2

Dear Soda,

Were here were here were here were fucking heeeeeeeere.

At home I mean.

As soon as we got home Gil, France, and Spain passed out in our living room…

I don't know either.

I wasn't really tired so I grabbed a few Disney classics and sat down on my ass with some captain crunch.

Ahhh yes.

I'm watching Aladdin. Did I mention how much I fucking love this movie? I didn't?

Well now I'm mentioning it so shut the fuck up.

Ewwww Jafar disgusts me. AND DOES ANYBODY NOTICE HIS HANDS ARE LIKE LARGER THAN JASMINES FACE? THEIR FUCKING HUGE I TELL YOU.

O_O

Dear Soda,

We were all talking and we somehow came onto the topic of relationships.

We mostly talked about (shhhhhh) Romano and Spain. 3

Id never admit it out loud but they are so fucking adorable.

Like seriously.

So me ,the trio of idiots(Gil,who brought along Matthew, Francy-pants, excluding Spain. We can't fucking tell him! ) Feliciano, Belgium, Netherlands and of course the yaoi fangirl/boy team themselves, Japan and Hungary, we are devising a plan (yes, devising) to get them together or at least hold hands.

They were pretty enthusiastic about the whole thing.

Elizaveta even drew a diagram with a lazer pointer and everything. Kiku is getting his mangakas ready to draw a new shounen ai manga…. _

But in the end it was (surprisingly) Lars and Gilbert who came up with the plan.

Gillbert: So, everyone likes theme parks right?

Everyone: yeah..?

Gilbert: Soooo! We get them tickets and they can have a romantic day together and shit like that!

Lars: I have a new amusement park opening a couple days from now at my place…

For a minute everyone is stunned into silence not even daring to believe Netherlands actually contributed to the group.

Lars: ….What are you all staring at?

Gilbert: That's awesome! But not as awesome as me cuz I'm the most awesome one around here everybody knows tha-ANYWAY. How can we send them the tickets? We can't just give it to them they'll get suspicious!

Kiku: We could send them a letter saying that Spain-kun won a sweepstakes and he's bound to take Romano-kun…

Elizaveta: That's brilliant Kiku! Lets execute the plan and get lots of pictures while were at it!

Belgium: We have to supervise them so we know everything is going well…

Matthew: Um…my brother has a bunch of..spy..gear..i could..take it?

We all momentarily look around to see who has said this.

Gilbert (Tackling the fucking FUCK out of poor Matthew): YOUR AWESOME MATTIE!

Matthew(suffocating under my bruder's fat ass :P): Y-yes…okay…Gil, Ge'roff!

Meanwhile Hungary and Japan are snapping pictures…

So anyway the plan will be executed( -that word makes it feel official…) three days from now and im supposed to be arranging dinner reservation in the Netherlands….which I don't understand why he cant do it because ITS HIS FUCKING COUNTRY.

Feliciano: Veh~ but you're the best at planning, everyone knows that, Ludwig~

….ahem.

Shut the fuck up with your laughing I am not fucking blushing….

I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP GIL, GO WATCH FREAKING HARRY POTTER.

Ludwig~~~~~~is awesome :D

OMG OMG OMG IM SOOO SORRYYYYYYYY.

Ive been a lazy procrastinating jackass! YES I will insult myself! IM THAT FREAKING TERRIBLE.

Sorry if this chapter wasn't that funny I need to get back in the funny game.

IM A COLD HUMORLESS ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T UPDATE ON TIME!

*slaps self*

For your waiting I give you a cookie and a present from Russia.

*pushes twitching box towards you with a broom*


	16. Spain is just a cuddly bag of sunshine

Okay so im writing this chapter in normal pov 3rd person I just feel like I couldn't write it as good if I wrote it as a diary entry instead of this. D: Anyways ENJOOY~

(SODA'S POV OMGHEE :D)

Hey guys. This is Soda.

(The diary's talking instead of being talked to? ! DIARYCEPTION!)

Yeah, im a diary/journal. And being a Diary/Journal is pretty cool most of the time. Except for a little something. Just a tiny thing. I can't freaking talk or walk or do fucking ANYTHING.

AAESRGTRTK"JKI!

Ahem. Anyways~

So I've been "observing" or whatever the fuck diary/journal's do and I have noticed something.

Ludwig's life is pretty fucked up. It's pretty funny hearing about though, You know it gets boring being a book believe it or not.

Anyway, so Im chilling here in Ludwig pocket and I overhear some things…

(Ludwig's pov)

The day before operation GRASTDOALHH(Get Romano and spain to date or at least hold hands) we decided to give them the tickets at a café we all hang around at.

Which by the way is ingeniously named: The Café everyone Hangs around at. Im not even exaggerating.

I mean, what the actual fuck?

I told Gil to ask his group of friends (which I call the Idiot trio) to hang out with him today here and by mere coincidence , see me and call me over which is Matthew's cue to come in and announce that he has a letter for Spain and he thought he'd be a kind soul and give it to him. INGENIOUS I SAY. THEY'LL NEVER SUSPECT!

God here he comes.

"West! What a random happenstance that I ran into you today~"

"come over here and join us Ludwig~", France said, his face as innocent as a child molester leading four year olds into his van with candy. Dear God. I shudder.

Spain is his usual cheerful self. "Hola, Senor! Have you seen Romano? I thought little Veneciano would be here too~" He sounded like he wanted to sing.

And I pray to all that is holy he does not.

"MATTIE~ DID YOU MAKE ME PANCAKES?" What is this, the Rape friends trio?

" Shut UP! I whispershouted.( it can be very effective at times)"Do you want Spain to find out that he's here?" Though it looked like Spain wouldn't have noticed an alien invasion right outside the café. He was too busy skipping around saying,"Romaaano? Romaaaaanoooo~ Where are yooooou?"

If Romano was hiding, I couldn't blame him for doing so.

"Fucking bastard, Im right here you fucking FUCKTARD!"

Ah, speak of the devil…

"Why the fuck did you ask me to come here? Your just twatting around with your fucking friends!", Romano hissed. What the fuck? Twatting?

"But I wanted you to come Romano~", Spain said. Gilbert snorted.

"Please, if he REALLY didn't want to come he could've just stayed home. I mean, what's the worst you can do? Put him in time out?", Gilbert laughed.

"Oui, mon cher, but we all know real reason Antonio is the only one Romano listens to don't we-"

"FUCKTARDS! I DARE YOU TO SAY ANOTHER FUCKING WORD!", Romano spat.

If looks could kill, France would have been stabbed to death by pitchforks, thrown off the empire state building and mauled by bears.

But, I'm sure Romano would've come up with a worse punishment.

*shudder*

Thank God, thank JESUS, that's when Matthew came into the café.

"S-Spain! I grabbed your mail for you, I offered to take it to you because I was close by…", Matthew said shyly. Spain didn't think this the least bit suspicious and took his mail with a, "Gracias Matthew!" Its times like these that we thank God that some people are idiots.

Spain sorted through his mail when he saw his letter.

Read it read it read it read it read i-

"Look what it says guys!" Spain's face lit up like the morning sun.

"I won two tickets to an amusement park in the Netherlands! How cool~"

"Awesome!", Gilbert exclaimed nudging France in the arm.

"Who are you going to take?", France chimed in.

Everybody in the building knew what Spain's next thought was before he even did.

Roma-

"Romano of course! You want to go don't you Romano?" Spain's head tilted in such a way that if Romano said no we were sure his heart would have shattered right there. But of course…

"I don't even like…I don't wan to go to a fucking…..fine.", Romano sputtered.

Spain, being the over enthusiastic bag of sunshine he was, tackled Romano into a hug like he had just saved a child from a burning building. "Yaaaay!~"

Romano's face burned with the heat of the sun. Seriously, you could fry an egg on that shit.

"B-bastard! Get off!"

"And so it begins…", I muttered.

HOW WAS THAT? DID I DO GOOD? *puppy dog eyes*

Please review! If you do, Spain will give you a hug~

Peace~Shadowsamatheexorcist


	17. Theme park madness!

"**Everyone in position?" , crackled a female voice from Ludwig's walkie-talkie. **

"**Ja…" , Ludwig sighed as he put on his disguise; a Dog. "Veh~ its so hot in here!",Feliciano said, examining his cat costume. "come on, lets just do it already and get in' the bushes…" , Ludwig trailed off. Then turned red as he took in the wording of what he'd just said. "Veh~Whatever you say, Doitsu.." Ludwig wanted to sink straight through the floor in embarrassment as he heard the snickers and giggles of his friends over his radio. **

"**Ohohohon~ Germany, I did not know you did that in publ-"**

**Ludwig heard what sounded like a sharp SMACK on France's end.**

"**I was only kidding, Angelterre….",France groaned. Ludwig heard Gilbert chortling with Matthew. **

"**Hey, Mattie, why don't we get in the bushes and-OW!"**

**Ludwig rolled his eyes. "Oi! Look out-their headed straight for you!" , Elizaveta whispered. Ludwig quickly snapped on his mask and ran up to Antonio and Lovino with Feliciano in tow. **

"**H-hello there! , Ludwig choked out. trying to disguise his thick german accent. Since your our..um..100****th**** customer, you get a free plate of churros at the next food stop!" Lovino narrowed his eyes suspiciously. " are you from around here? That is the fucking saddest attempt at English I've ever-" Antonio clapped a hand over Lovino's mouth before he could say anything more. Lovino squirmed furiously as Antonio took the ticket with a quick, "Gracias, Senor!" and ran away, scolding Lovino for his rude behavior. **

**Ludwig let out a sigh of relief. Romano had almost discovered him…**

**Lovino cursed Antonio all the way to the food stand. "You don't think its fucking suspicious when some fucker in a dog suit just pops up and gives us free churros-?" Antonio sighed.**

"**Lovi~ Why cant you just enjoy that we got something for free? Just relax already!"**

"**Fine, fine, fine! Just shut the fuck up and get us some goddamn churros!" Antonio smiled.**

**Gilbert and Matthew sat bored on a park bench near the Tornado rollercoaster. Gilbert groaned in annoyance at Matthew for not starting a conversation sooner. "Maaatiiiie~ make the awesome me some pancakes!" Matthew also groaned. **

"**I cant make pancakes here, were in a fucking theme park, stupid!", he hissed. Gilbert looked at him adoringly. **

"**What?"**

"**Your so cute when your mad Mattie!" Matthew attempted to keep Gilbert from groping him on the bench when he heard familiar voices. "Shh! I think I hear-"**

"**Alfred, I told you Im sorry! Why cant you just-" came the distressed voice of one familiar Russian.**

"**No no no! I really really REALLY wanted to ride that! Why cant YOU control yourself!", yelled Alfred.**

**They had just been kicked off another rollercoaster for Ivan abusing the staff.**

"**Seriously, get a grip! , Alfred spat. That guy was just checking my seatbelt! He wasn't trying to rape me! Could you even TRY to be less possessive? You cant just punch them for doing their jobs!"**

"**Yeah but that guy looked funny-" But this sent Alfred into even more of a rage. **

**What? You think YOU aren't suspicious looking? My people STILL got shit with you Russians- I've had to practically beg my president to let you in my house! I cant blame him really-I mean you've had spies here before haven't you-?" **

"**Hey! That had nothing to do with-" Ivan tried to interject but was finding it hard due to Alfred now launching a full fledged rant now. Not far away, Matthew and Gilbert watched the argument with interest. "wow, America's actually winning against that beast" , Gilbert munched on his hot dog.**

"**The idiot is letting him get into his stride- you gotta get him off early or he'll go on for hours...Matthew muttered darkly, there's no stopping him now…"**

"**Its like you LOOK for a reason for a reason to be mean! I mean, that move on Italy wasn't exactly subtle was it? And Yao won't get off my neck now- he's practically ready to maim me when I walk down the hall-no idea what on earth you told him-"**

"**I didn't tell him anything! Well, just that I was kind of sorta breaking up with him…" ,Ivan trailed off.**

"**-and I remember someone telling me or I think I read somewhere I don't know-something that you did…back in the early 1900s I guess-" Ivan's expression suddenly went dark. **

"**Alfred-"**

**Gilbert looked up in shock at what he was hearing and lean forward, silently shouting, " Shut up! Shut up now you idiot!" Matthew looked at him, confused and turned back to watch the argument.**

"**You shot some girl and I heard that she was practically your sister-"**

"**Stop!, Ivan shouted, If you speak one more word about that-!" Ivan's tone became deeper, his violet eyes once warm, now an icy purple. His expression was terrifying. America didn't notice this and said, spitefully, " You'll do what? Shoot me-?" Alfred had barely looked up when Ivan smacked him across the face so hard it made him see stars and cough up blood. **

"**RUSSIA!" Gilbert leapt up from the bench, ignoring Matthew's protests and stood in front of Alfred. "Stop! Stop-he doesn't know! What you had to do that night- he doesn't- he didn't know ,so please don't-" Ivan lowered his arm slowly. He looked Alfred straight in the eye, turned his heel and walked away.**

**OH MAH GAWD. WHAT HAVE I DONE? Turning my story into this-this-THING? And dear lord, the grammar! *dies* sorry it took so long and again I wanted to write the story a little different so as to make it seem…better. Love you guys~**


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